it's official. at least three people have begun to refer to me as yarm since i've been here. considering the way that name has spread in the past, i'm sure it won't be long until kori and jessica have half the people we know saying it.
it's a weird name, i'll be the first to make that clear. say it aloud, right now. YARM. awkward isn't it? trust me, it's the weirdest thing you've said all day. so, given the strange nature of this nearly unintelligible word, i am often questioned about its origins. due to the overwhelming demand for knowledge, and my dedication to giving the people what they want, i present to you...
A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE YARM
about six years ago, in the open hallways of good old las vegas day school, a girl named kori black began to bestow upon nearly everyone a name beginning with the letter y. why y, you ask? that's like asking why i have to protect my butt with my hand every time she walks behind me. there's no logical reason, it's just kori. so as the days progressed, a handful of people came away with new, mostly short-lived nicknames. chelsea became yelch, carley became yark, jessica's brother chase was dubbed yase (his is the only other legacy that is still strong today), and jessica leavitt was referred to as yeck (yec? yek? whatever.) when kori decided to grace my lowly self with one of these names, she came across the problem i have had all my life. there is ALWAYS another jessica. i like to pretend that my overly popular name has taught me how to share, but i can't deny that it's a hassle to always be looking over your shoulder at people yelling to other jessicas. so, with this issue, she resolved that i should be called yeck yarm. yarm stemming from the root word jarman, which means something i am entirely unaware of. considering that the business of nicknames is generally to shorten a name to something more easily said, the yeck was quickly dropped, and A YARM WAS BORN. for the rest of the year, the evolved version, yarmy, was used most frequently. and once i believe someone wrote yarmee, but that's heinous so it has since been entirely dismissed. once we ventured off to high school, i to bonanza, and j & k to gross spring valley, this name went into hiding. perhaps on the few occasions i hung out with them it was used, but never by anyone else.
then came the glorious day when they decided to join me as bengals! so sophomore year began, the three of us claiming the loud front left corner of mrs. barnish's spanish three class, a location ripe for the founding of a beautiful lifelong friendship. while kori scratched my back (until the day she stopped because, i quote, "we're good enough friends now, i don't have to suck up to you anymore") and jessica stole everyone's snacks, and barnish taught us that we must, we must, we must develop our busts, i was having the most fun i'd ever experienced in a classroom, and one day, kori or jessica, i don't remember which, brought up the discussion of my former nickname. at this point the three of us were nearly always together, and even though we could quite easily distinguish which jessica was being spoken to, it only made sense for us to make our identities more clearly distinguished. and so, yarm i once again became. in the next three years, it spread like wildfire. first to those who were meeting me for the first time and due to my shyness/silence had only kori and jessica's introduction to judge me off of. then people i'd known for years, the kids in my classes, friends' parents, and people off the street began to address me as yarm and only yarm. it was strange at first. each time someone first called me by that name, i was acutely aware of the momentous occasion.
meanwhile the namegivers themselves were insisting that i be called nothing else, and in order to give legitimacy to the name, developed theories about my breeding in the zoo, aided by karl the zookeeper, and yarm became another word for housepet (a label i am also still given to this day). they even went to the zoo in omaha once and took pictures of one of my ancestors, a literal yarm primate! we were obviously related because in one of them he was bent over a branch in a way similar to my own stunts (the proof of which is taped above jessica's desk as we speak). by the end of senior year, a good 80% of the people i associated with called me yarm exclusively. and seeing as the name itself is an outlet of creativity and mindless nonsense, many of the masses strove to develop their own personal touch.
so, from andrew's signature shrieking yaaaaaaaaaarm, to cailee's yarmizzle, the variations continued to evolve. yarmy was common, and soon yarmbo came to be. from there, it was decided that i was "yarmbo charmbo" on a day of typical oddness, and "yarmbeau charmbeau" when i was feeling sophisticated or insightful. thus the name of this blog, a hybrid of both names to account for my split identity. born from the common mistake, leah began to call me yarn, along with yarm status, yizzle, and yay yays. on days we're feeling irish, she calls me yarney. other people mistook the name for var or vermin (not sure how), and nicole still occasionally refers to me as such. nathan often calls me yarmine, and christy patented yarmzilla. i believe nick was the first to call me the yarmy of one, for a while ryan called me yarm & hammer, and many others have contributed versions that i don't recall. jessica comes up with a new version weekly, but some constants are yarmathan, yom, and yarmnation. once she even called me yarmesan cheese. kori sometimes switches it up with yarmbitron, but whatever the case, "jessica" has become like a second name for me.
it's not that i dislike my name. it's much better than the originally plan of heidi. as a rule, heidis must be blonde at some point, and i don't think i would be the same person if my parents had followed through with that. but i digress. the purpose of this was to better educate the internet and my lovely readers as to why i have such an unusual name.
perhaps i should re-title this AN OVERLY LONG AND ABSURDLY DETAILED HISTORY OF THE YARM. after all, my purpose is to strive for accuracy.
so now you know the story. you can thank me later. also now i have successfully put off reading my physical science textbook, a benefit that may or may not have been the reasoning behind this riveting exposé.
moral of the story: feel free to call me whatever you want. let your creative juices flow. i promise not to discriminate.
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