in reverie.

Before the birth of this here legit blog, I used to sit at my computer on occasion, usually during the late hours of the night, and type things that came into my head on a sort of word document equivalent of a blog. The other day I was looking at it and rediscovered the following entry from just about a year ago. It made me tear up a small bit...because not much has changed. And I love it that way.

Excuse me for being quite so excessively personal all the time, but that's kind of how I am with people I trust. And I happen to trust most people. Including you.

So, in honor of the days following my nineteenth birthday, I'm bringing back a bit of the love I always feel around this time of year...

Monday, July 21, 2008

Yesterday being my eighteenth birthday (I can now legally buy spray paint!), I’ve been thinking a lot about the people who mean the most to me. I have an INCREDIBLE family and really amazing friends. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so loved as I do at this point in my life, and let me tell you, it makes everything SO much better. I am so grateful that I’ve found a few unbelievably loyal friends who encourage me to be a better person every day. I admire them so much. They are so much better than me in every way. They’ve gotten me to open up like crazy, and slowly a lot of the insecurities that I felt when I was younger are going away. I honestly couldn’t ask for more hilarious, spontaneous, understanding, supportive, generous, and loving best friends. The girl I am today is the most ME I’ve ever been. And that is absolutely thanks to them. I admit it, I’m weird, awkward, opinionated, and hard to understand sometimes, but they know how to tease me without crushing my spirits and they accept and love me for every idiotic “typical yarm” thing I do. Honestly, without them I would be hopeless. So much of my current personality is associated with them, and I’ve never been happier. Without really giving me any alternatives, they have forced me into a lot of situations that made me feel uncomfortable…in a good way. They’ve made me talk to people I would normally be too shy to approach, made me do things that would have embarrassed the crap out of me in the past (and sometimes still do) but are funny and memorable in the end, and their laid-back and outgoing attitudes have made it so much easier for me to just be myself. Honestly I would be an extremely boring person to meet if it wasn’t for the extravagant introductions they always give when I meet someone new. Just the fact that they care enough not to let me be the quiet girl in the background has made a world of difference, even if I do still get stressed sometimes. They have brought me out of my shell so many times that it hardly even phases me anymore. And I know it’s hard to believe, but I can even make conversation with people all on my own now! I’ve never really cared about the quantity of friends I have, but by finding a few high quality friends by some miracle, I’ve also made a lot of new ones and expanded my comfort zone a ton. I'm luckier than I deserve to be, and I wouldn't change that for the world.

tonight, I'm happy to have friends whom I love.

and happy that they already know that.